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[Aug. 30th, 2008|02:38 am] |
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I haven't made an entry on here in quite some time. Hmm, well everything in my life seems to somehow be working out for the most part and at least in this moment. Summer is coming to an end and in just a few days I start yet another school year. I feel like I should have graduated by now, but then again I'm kind of glad I haven't. I'm sort of excited to start up school again. I know there will be stress, but it is also a time that I get to feel more creative. I have four studio classes this semester so I'm gonna have a hell of a lot of art projects. I'm also taking an online US Politics course, which I'm hoping won't be too bad. Johnny can help me out I hope, since he's a political science major. Speaking of Johnny, things are still going pretty strong. We have our ups and downs but our relationship has gotten stronger and I don't see things ending anytime soon. He wants me to go to Ecuador with him during our winter break, which would be pretty cool I think. So we'll see. Well, it's way past my bedtime so I'm out for now! |
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| My life at the moment. |
[Mar. 27th, 2008|11:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  content | ] |
I've been content lately and it feels really good. Not everything is perfect, but I have enough good things going on to keep me going. I guess the best thing that's happened to me lately is Johnny. We met like two months ago through Andrew (the last guy I was hooking up with). That may seem weird, and I was definitely reluctant to meet his friend, but everything has worked out. He asked me to be his girlfriend this past weekend. It's weird being in a relationship after not being in one for so long, but then again it's only a title and even if he didn't ask me, things would still be the same. I like him a lot, he really makes me happy and accepts me for who I am. I know Andrew talked a lot of shit about me to him, but he said that none of that matters. I guess it just bothers me knowing that Andrew said so much bad stuff about me when I never did anything bad to him. He was terrible to me and for the most part I stood there like an idiot and took it. But regardless, that's over and this new thing is a million times better. I guess the fact that Johnny knows some negative stuff about me is good too. Though I'm sure a lot of what he said was probably bullshit. Anyways, I'm happy with Johnny and I couldn't ask for anything more in a guy.
School isn't terrible, but I have this one class that is SO much work. Balancing school, homework, work, friends, family, and a boyfriend is no easy task but I'm slowly figuring out how to manage it all. School probably takes up the most time for me, which isn't the worst thing but I still wish I had more free time. My hours at work seem to have been reduced (without me even asking) but I'm definitely not complaining about that. I have a good amount of money saved up in the bank if anything comes up so I don't really have any need to work a ton of hours right now. Plus, working less is keeping me saner, that place kills me.
I haven't been seeing most of my friends as much as I'd like to. I suppose it's because all of us are busy doing our own things so it gets difficult to find time to spend together. However, weekends are usually good for that. I'm considering going out somewhere tomorrow night and maybe inviting a few people out. I know I'm gonna be with Johnny, and my friends seem to get along with him really well so hopefully we can all have a good time together. We'll see what happens I guess.
I guess that's a basic summary of my life at the moment. It's nothing terribly interesting but I'm quite content with it. :-) |
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| Surveys. |
[Mar. 24th, 2008|04:04 pm] |
How Complete is Your Life?
[1] I have had my first kiss.
[2] I truly love/loved someone.
[3] I’ve stayed up all night.
[4] I’ve been on vacation.
[5] I have a best friend.
[6] I’ve learned to love myself, I do not have a low self-esteem.
[7] I have a job.
[8] I’ve been to a different country.
[9] I’m married.
[10] I’ve been/I’m in a nice relationship.
[11] I’m content with the way I look.
[12] I can take care of myself.
[13] I have good friends I can depend on.
[14] I’ve stood up for someone when they were being put down.
[15] I know how to cook.
[16] I’ve written in a diary.
[17] Me and my parents usually get along.
[18] I graduated high school.
[19] I’ve been to college.
[20] I’ve learned that money cannot buy happiness.
[21] I’ve done something totally crazy that got me in a lot of trouble, but it was fun!
[22] I’ve done something I never saw myself doing before.
[23] I put my life on the line for someone else.
[24] I have a friend I can tell anything to.
[25] If something horrible happens, I know I have someone to go to.
[26] I know that there are people in this world who love me.
[27] I’ve won an award for something.
[28] I have my future all planned out.
[29] I often get together with friends/my lover.
[30] I look on the bright side of life.
[31] I’ve learned from all the mistakes I’ve made in life.
[32] I take chances.
[33] I am independent when making decisions, I rarely need the help of others.
[34] I’ve done everything I wanted to do before I die.
[35] I’ve played in the snow.
[36] I’ve danced in the rain.
[37] I’ve spent one whole day outside.
[38] I know another language (or some of one).
[39] I’m good at something.
[40] I’ve written someone a love letter explaining how I feel.
[41] I’ve got into an argument with a loved one, and resolved it.
Trendy?
Bold everything you own/wear.
1. Long tees.
2. Jean capris.
3. Leggings.
4. Lace accents.
5. Stripes.
6. Polka dots.
7. Wedges.
8. Flats.
9. Short shorts.
10. Long necklaces.
11. Big belts.
12. Summer dresses.
13. Layered clothing.
14. Big earrings.
15. Big bags.
16. Chanel.
17. Baby Phat.
Bold everything you do.
1. Smoke weed or cigarettes.
2. Get drunk.
3. Shop constantly.
4. Read teen, gossip, or fashion magazines.
5. Have/had a lot of boyfriends.
6. Talk on the phone or internet 24/7.
Bold everything you agree with.
1. Shopping is life.
2. Hollister, Abercrombie, American Eagle, Macy's = my favorite shop spots.
3. Fashion is awesome!
4. When I go out with someone, I don't actually go on dates with the person.
5. I see so many movies it's impossible to keep track.
6. I listen to whatever my friends are listening to.
7. Hip hop/r&b, rock, pop = best music.
8. I have a Myspace.
9. I am obsessed with surveys, icons, or layouts.
Bold the shows you watch.
1. American Idol.
2. America's Next Top Model.
3. Family Guy.
4. The Simpsons.
5. Sex & The City.
6. The Hills.
7. Laguna Beach.
8. My Super Sweet Sixteen.
Now count up how many statements you bolded and bold your score below.
0-15 Don't care about trends.
16-29 Somewhat trendy.
30-40 TRENDY BABY! :] |
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[Feb. 24th, 2008|05:38 pm] |
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It's amazing how one person can change everything. :-) |
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[Feb. 3rd, 2008|01:53 am] |
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I enjoy spending time with friends and even big groups, but the truth is that I still feel alone. It doesn't make sense that I can be around a bunch of people and still feel completely alone. I don't know what's wrong with me. I wish these feelings would go away or that I could find a way to let out everything, but I can't. I guess I'm not trying hard enough. Everyday it's just going through the motions. I have no desire to really do much of anything but I still go through the motions. Work, school, hang out, whatever. It's so frustrating, and I really don't know what to do. |
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[Jan. 29th, 2008|12:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  blah | ] |
Aw, this guy just proposed to this girl on the Tyra show and it was cute. Man, I usually don't find this stuff cute, but awww. Makes me want to have a boy. Haha, ok not really, I think I've realized that I'm happy single. I'm just way too effed up in the head for a relationship right now, plus nothing has been working out lately so I might as well just not even bother. Blehhh. I've been kind of depressed lately. Not really sure why, but it's something I haven't been able to shake for the past few weeks. Oh well, I guess that's life. |
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[Jan. 16th, 2008|03:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sad | ] |
Something isn't right. :-/ |
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[Dec. 29th, 2007|03:18 am] |
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There's nothing like feeling your heart break twice in one night. |
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[Dec. 22nd, 2007|09:25 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | blah | ] |
akjhsfoiupwenpfiv;ljvhbIPNjeopiu908pyb7gdfz ioasa sdfhibWJAEFL;NSKD:
There are no words for how I've been feeling lately. Not good, not terrible, just something that I can't seem to shake. Work has really been taking a toll on me. I've been working a lot of hours and of course I like the money but I'm so achy from having to stand for like eight hours with only a ten minute break and a thirty minute lunch break. I'm so tired too, it's not fun waking up early nearly every day. I cannot wait until I have a day that I can sleep in for as long as I want. Though I probably won't get that until Thursday.
In better news, I turn 21 in just over a day. Now I can drink my problems away! Heh, no I'm just kidding. I really don't even like drinking that much, but I do plan on being drunk next Friday when I go out to celebrate with my friends. I also need to find a new boy, but with being so busy lately I haven't had the chance to meet anyone new. Oh well, that's not really important right now. I just want to be happy for once and I'm not really sure what to do. |
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[Dec. 8th, 2007|03:32 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | lonely | ] |
It really sucks when the person you have feelings for doesn't return them. As much as I shouldn't feel anything for this person, I can't help but get upset everytime he ignores me or doesn't want to see me. I just feel like I did something wrong, even though I know I didn't. I tried and I failed once again and it hurts. But the tears won't come. I just want to cry because that will make me feel slightly better, but I can't even force myself to. It's just weird. And I feel really lonely right now despite the fact that I just got home from being with friends. Ugh, things are just not going my way lately. |
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[Nov. 2nd, 2007|10:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | mellow | ] |
I've decided that I'm not going for a BFA degree, I'm sticking with the BA. I haven't told my mom yet though and I'm not sure if she'll be mad or not. I suppose the subject will come up eventually though. But either way it was my decision to make and I didn't think I could handle all the extra work and I'm not too sure it will end up benefiting me all that much anyways. All I hear is that design companies and such hire you based on your portfolio, not necessarily what sort of degree you have. So as long as I keep up with all of my work and build up my portfolio I should be fine.
That decision being out of the way sort of gives me some relief. Stress levels are going down because I no longer have to worry about getting a portfolio presentation together in two weeks for it when I barely have enough pieces in my portfolio yet. Also, I finally got my period today after it was a week and a half late so more sighs of relief, haha. Work is sucky, but I can deal with it. I decided to stay in tonight just to unwind a bit and relax. I'm off tomorrow so I could've gone out and not have worried about staying out late, but whatever. Hopefully I'll have a relaxing weekend and I won't be such a mess next week.
I suppose that's all I have to say for now. I'm gonna watch some TV and then probably just go to bed. So good night! |
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[Nov. 1st, 2007|10:45 pm] |
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Not quite sure what's going on in my life right now. I'm sort of an emotional mess. Okay, I'm VERY MUCH an emotional mess. I'm not quite sure what to do about it though. Oh well. |
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[Oct. 6th, 2007|11:47 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
I'm so tired of feeling like I never do the right thing. I'm trying so hard to keep my head high and do what I have to do and work through whatever it is I'm feeling right now. Yet there is always at least one person that tries to drag me down and make me feel guilty. Maybe they don't realize that they're dragging me down but they are. I shouldn't feel like I'm on the verge of tears all the time. I'm so damn sick of it, and yet I feel helpless at the same time. There's nothing I can do right now that would completely fix everything. No matter what I want to change, there will be negative effects and I'm not exactly sure if it's worth it. All I know is that it isn't going to take much more to push me over edge and I'm just hoping I can sort my shit out before that happens. |
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[Sep. 21st, 2007|03:38 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  frustrated | ] |
I am so frustrated right now. I have to write an essay for one of my classes and I wrote nearly the same exact essay for a class at NYU like two years ago. I figured I would just find it, retype it, change a few things around accordingly, and voila. But NO I can't fucking find the paper. I know I pulled it out last semester (or maybe the one before) for a similar assignment but I couldn't use it cause it was too different. Of course I find that assignment NO HELP. I find the freaking syllabus and notebook I used for the NYU class I wrote the paper for. But can I find the actual paper? No. I'm sure I tossed it somewhere when I couldn't use it, but I've seriously searched everywhere in my room that it could be and no luck. This is really irking me cause there is no way in hell I can sit here and write a paper right now. My mind is so jumbled and I will probably have to bullshit part of it and I'm not feeling creative right now. In better news, my room is slightly neater from trying to sort through all my crap. I think I may give one place one last thorough look before I attempt to write this. So wish me luck.
Oh man, I can't wait to go to Q's tonight. But goddamn not being 21 yet cause I could so use a few drinks. But I know I'm gonna be stuck driving even if I could drink. Bleh.
Edit: I finally found the paper in a folder that I already looked through TWICE. ::Smacks head:: Third times the charm I guess. Ok, so now to go through it and hopefully I will be able to actually use it. |
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[Sep. 19th, 2007|11:17 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  numb | ] |
Man, I've been feeling so shitty lately. I hate that I can't shake this feeling, it's not me. Well, it's the old me and I don't like it. I feel like I made so much progress just in personal things and now I'm just slipping backwards. Maybe it's just this inevitable thing that comes every time the weather starts getting colder. I feel like I'm just stuck here going through the motions of my daily life and not really feeling anything. I'm not enjoying anything or hating anything for that matter either. I know last year I felt this way because of Danny but that's not it this time. There's not really any guy in my life, I mean the closest would be Andy but he barely talks to me anymore and I guess that bothers me to an extent and may contribute to the way I'm feeling but I know that's not to blame for the bulk of it. I feel like I'm not really making any sense, but then again my mind just seems to be everywhere. I don't remember anything anymore. I know I've always had bad memory but sometimes I feel that it's gotten worse. I don't have the drive to put effort into much of anything, it's just all routine. I was so looking forward to this semester because I am finally taking classes in my major and I like the classes I'm taking and all, but I just have no motivation whatsoever. That's not the way I wanted this to go. I haven't really been seeing my friends much either just because I'm too busy to really do anything besides the things I have to do. And I'm way too tired to go out at night, even if I don't have to be up early the next morning. I've been passing out before 11pm lately which is early by comparison of what time I'm used to. I don't really know what more to do or say. I'm hitting a low point once again and I'm just hoping I'll eventually have the strength to pick myself back up. |
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[Sep. 15th, 2007|03:30 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | frustrated | ] |
I feel so frustrated right now and I'm not entirely sure why. Ugh. I'm going to bed and let's hope I can actually sleep tonight. |
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[Sep. 5th, 2007|11:20 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
Woot. |
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[Aug. 31st, 2007|12:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | tired | ] |
So last night sucked. I lied awake until at least 4am before I finally passed out. I woke up at 11am, tried to go back to sleep, but once again I was just lying awake. This really blows. I'm so fucking tired and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm gonna have to get up pretty soon to start getting ready for work. Bleh. I don't want to go! |
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[Aug. 31st, 2007|12:31 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | bored | ] |
I'm so awake and bored right now. Maybe I'll go for an aimless drive. I'm trying to get Andy to come over to hang out and stuff so hopefully he will. I really want to go to Q's tomorrow, but Sue doesn't know if she's going and I haven't asked anyone else yet but hopefully people will go cause I really want to dance and have some fun. Oh and I love my new skirt I got so I want to wear it!
Well, unfortunately I don't have much to write. This has been a boring week. I've had the house to myself cause my family is away but nothing fun has gone on. I've been working and busy so there hasn't been much time for anything else. Bleh, well I guess that's all I have to say for now. I think I might throw some clothes on and head out for a little while. |
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[Aug. 28th, 2007|02:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | depressed | ] |
It's just one frustration after the other these days. I just wanna lock myself in my house and not come out for a while. Bleh. My family went away this week so at least I can get some alone time. Today I'm off from work so it's nice to sit around doing nothing by myself. I guess I haven't had a day like this in a while so it's nice and hopefully it'll give me time to think and sort out my feelings.
Tomorrow is Projekt Revolution so I'm excited about that. However, I'm scheduled to work and I'm gonna have to call in sick which I'm nervous about considering I started only like two and half weeks ago, and I'm afraid the strict manager will be there tomorrow and I'll have to tell her. ::cries:: Let's hope it works out fine. I'm not sure what I'm gonna say yet since I'm gonna end up working Thursday so it's gotta be some illness that will go away in a day. I was thinking maybe I'll just say I have a stomach virus or something. I'll figure it out. Once that's over I'll be able to get super excited about the concert heh.
I'm feeling antisocial right now but I'm hoping I won't be that way this weekend cause it would be nice to hit up Q's and dance, maybe have a few drinks if I can. I just hope Andy won't be there, he makes me upset. I wanted to hang out with him this week but he's being a dick about it so screw it.
Well, I guess that's it. I'm about to watch the movie Thank You For Smoking. Just finished watching Beerfest, which kind of sucked but it's what's on HBO. Mmkay, later. |
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